Often times we get stuck in an inquiry about whether or not our man loves us. If he would just love us more, we think, our relationship would be great, or we could get back together. Or, if he would just change and do that thing we asked him to do, things would be so much better.
Why do we care about this? Because it takes the responsibility for the relationship’s success away from us and puts it smack dab into the hands of our partner. Then, we don’t have to do anything but complain about whether or not he’s doing what we want. Definitely we don’t have to look inward and deal with all of that scary stuff inside, like how we truly feel about ourselves.
The surprising truth is that we wouldn’t be thinking this way if we felt strongly about the love we have for him. The only reason we want him to love us more or do the things we want him to do is so that we can love him freely ourselves. We feel like we’d love him more if these things happened, don’t we? But we can make that choice anytime, regardless of what he’s up to. Have you ever loved someone who was across the country? How about across the world? Or no longer living? That person didn’t have to be a particular way for your love to come through. Think about that for a minute, because it’s very powerful, and can make all the difference when making a decision about whether to love him or let go.
If you find yourself unable to generate love for him without him changing, then you can be sure that the source of the problem is your own thoughts and emotions. Why are you so attached to wanting these changes, and what does it mean to you if you love him without getting what you want? Do you think it means that you’ll never have what you want?
Something to consider is that you chose a partner who wants different things than you do, and you’re reluctant to admit that having those things is more important to you than being in a harmonious relationship with this particular person. Be honest with yourself – what’s your higher value? If it’s having things the way you want them, you may need to move on to a situation where that’s possible, because your partner isn’t giving that to you consistently, since that’s not truly what he wants. If it’s being with this specific partner, then you may have to let go of having things be exactly as you want them. Take some quiet time to tune into yourself and find out what’s true for you.
Instead of asking the question, “Does he love me?” try asking the question “Do I love him?” and watch as the truth reveals itself.