Trying to decide if you should get back together? Don’t let him make the decision for you.

Watch out. When you decide to take space and move on, chances are, he will resist. After all, if he didn’t want you around at all, you wouldn’t be in this situation. Because making a conscious, well thought out decision to break up requires that you are centered in yourself, in touch with yourself, and possibly feeling great about yourself, congratulations, you’ve just become 100 times more attractive than you were when you were feeling unsure, and men are going to flock to you.

Suddenly, you may find he’s very interested in getting back together in some way, whether it’s spending more time together, continuing to have sex regardless of the arrangement, reaching out more often, and so on. The thing to take note of is this: This is your decision, not his. You have to take a stand for what you need, because he’s not going to. You are responsible for your health and well being, and this is something you are choosing to do for yourself.

Do not fall into the trap of changing your mind because of this new behavior, because, you guessed it, soon after you change your mind, he is going to go right back to being however he was before. Which isn’t necessarily wrong or mean of him, but it will play with your mind and your emotions and you will undo all of the great progress you’ve made toward figuring out what you want.

This is where your friends can help you. Have them hold you accountable to your commitment. It’s going to be tempting to give it up once he proposes the many options he is sure to come up with to prevent him from having to give you up. After all, who wants to give you up? You’re wonderful. Just keep reminding yourself of this – you’re wonderful, and that’s why he’s doing this. And that’s fine. You can still walk away. And if he supports you, it just means that he’s wonderful. It’s a win-win situation.

The moral of this story is that when it comes to deciding to break up with your boyfriend, he’s not going to stick to it for your benefit – you have to get committed to staying apart, regardless of how he feels. Only you are responsible for the outcome.

2 comments

  1. B says:

    What if I want him to come behind me when I leave him. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. Whenever he hurts me and I say I am going to leave him he does not apology or beg me to stay with him. I feel its not going to make difference in his life whether I stay or leave. I want to see if he make efforts and come behind me if I leave him. I do not actually want to leave but just see whether he fights to get me back or just let me go. I am not able to leave because somewhere in my heart I feel he wont fight for me. thats making me very sad.

    • Elle says:

      I’m so sorry to hear you’re having a challenging and sad experience! My heart goes out to you. I don’t recommend leaving your man as a way to see if he’ll fight for you, because you may wind up feeling like you made a mistake. Only leave if you genuinely feel he’s the wrong man for you, and make that decision when you’re feeling good, not when you’re upset. It sounds like what you really want is for your man to express his commitment to you and the only way he’ll do that is if he feels your unwavering commitment to him. Try taking a 30 day break from telling him you’re going to leave him, even when you’re hurt, and see what happens. He might surprise you!

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