Why the reason you got into your relationship is the key to deciding if you should break up

Ask yourself these three questions:

1. Why did you get into your relationship?
2. Why did you choose this partner?
3. What state were you in when you did it?

These questions are massively important, and this subject is something few people ever take the time to look at when making a decision whether or not to break up with their partner. Let’s break it down.

Why did you get into your relationship?

Do any of the following scenarios match your situation? Circle all that apply.

1. You just broke up with your previous boyfriend and were feeling
a) lonely
b) excited to meet a man who was everything he wasn’t
c) eager to get on with your life and/or
d) like you needed a self esteem boost.

2. You want to be in a relationship. Now. Because you
a) can’t stand being single
b) want children right away
c) want to be taken care of financially
d) feel ashamed of being single

3. You would like to be in a relationship but you are not attached to it. When it’s time to get into one, you’ll know. Because
a) you love yourself and want to share your love with another person
b) you are committed to living life in partnership
c) you are happy and fulfilled and excited to create something bigger than yourself

Why did you choose this partner?

Are any of these scenarios a match? Circle all that apply.

1. Your partner has so many amazing qualities you wish you had, like
a) self confidence
b) always happy
c) a lot of fun
d) knows what he wants
e) financially secure
f) brilliant
g) amazing friends and family
h) has all the same fun vices that you do

2. Your partner challenges you in the following ways
a) helps you relive your childhood by withholding love and affection in the same ways your parents always did
b) tells you what’s wrong with you so that you don’t get too egotistical or blind to your own faults
c) tells you what to do and helps you get control of yourself
d) acts as your spiritual guide and gives you coaching in all areas of your life
e) insists that polyamory is the only authentic way to have a relationship, which you go along with

3. Your partner does things for you that you love, like he
a) calls and texts exactly when you want him to
b) does anything you ask of him
c) gives you presents and romantic gestures like flowers
d) takes you out on extravagant dates
e) is up for talking about marriage and the future from the first days of the relationship

4. Your partner is a great guy. What you like about him is that
a) he shares the same values as you
b) you want similar things
c) he loves himself
d) you respect him and what he’s up to in life
e) you find him very attractive

What state were you in when you did it?

1. When you chose your partner, you were feeling
a) sad
b) lonely
c) flat and lifeless
d) bored
e) desperate
f) angry
g) dissatisfied with a major element of your life (work, friends, etc)
h) shaky
i) insecure
j) intense emotional swings
k) depressed
l) ecstatic to have found this partner who completes you
m) relieved
n) manic


2. When you chose your partner you were feeling
a) whole and complete within yourself
b) spiritual
c) happy
d) contented
e) excited about life
f) authentic
g) centered
h) confident

If you circled many of the answers from the last section of each category, you were probably in great shape when you chose your relationship, which had you choose the right partner for you at that time, and from an empowered state.

If you circled many of the other answers from the preceding sections of each category, you were likely choosing your relationship and partner based on qualities that you felt were missing inside yourself, unresolved emotional issues, old patterns and habits, or to distract yourself from your feelings.

When you’re not feeling empowered, you’re not going to choose a powerful relationship. Period. Consider that relationships that are chosen from an disempowered place are very unlikely to work, and allow yourself to connect with this idea when making your decision.

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